How to Handle the Emotions of a Breakup

 

Relationship breakups have the tendency of throwing any individual into a world of agony, despair, haunting memories and emotions. And the longer the relationship, stronger these tendencies get and getting over your ex becomes more difficult and takes longer.

The breakup might have been the right thing to do but that still doesn’t take away the pain and emotional turmoil it puts one through. The same can to a large extent be said of a relationship where the couples haven’t been together for that long because the same emotional upheavals can surface and almost with the same intensity.

Having said that, let’s get back to the main issue here – handling the emotional turmoil resulting from the breakup with your ex. You may at this point be feeling like the breakup was all your fault and start feeling guilty about it. However, whether it was your fault or not will not help matters if you remain this way, therefore you have to let go of these feelings of guilt. Equally, you might have done something to your ex that you feel you need to apologize for, you will do exactly that to help clear your mind, but not just now, give yourself some time to stronger first.

One emotional aspect when going through a breakup that can seriously affect any individual is the feeling of sadness. While a little crying and being sad may be normal, these should not be engaged in for too long. You have to watch out for these are they can easily lead to clinical depression. One good advice at this stage would be for you to never be alone for too long, isolation will only make the situation worse and therefore you need to find trusted friends and family members to be around you for support and encouragement.

Also, anger and oftentimes a destructive type may want to get the better of you at some point during this period of healing from the breakup with your ex. Anger at this moment can do only one thing and that is to worsen an already complicated issue. This is where forgiveness comes in. You need to first and foremost, “forgive yourself” and then forgive your ex for the breakup and any other thing you might be holding against them.

One thing that can help you get over these emotional turmoil is boosting your self-confidence. I know you’ll say that’s the last thing you think you can do now, but it’s going to be a gradual process and you’ll get there before you know it. The trick here is for you to get involved in some social or personal activities to help occupy your mind and so think less about the breakup itself.

You can start going out more often with your friends and colleagues at work, enroll in a dance class or even register at your local gym to get a fitter and trimmer you. These activities will make you feel happier with time and definitely help boost your self-confidence.

Frankly speaking, there is no simply way to get out of this depressive state with all the emotions that might be running through you because of the breakup with your ex. Your ability to get yourself back together and fight these emotions in a healthy way will make it easier for you to be able to get back together with your ex or move on to a new relationship.

 

How to Survive a Breakup And Learn to Love Again

 

 

In plain English, the secret to surviving a breakup is nothing more than time. This truth may however not settle down well with someone who has just been through a breakup but remains the only true key to recovering from the pain of a breakup.

Surviving a breakup can be a daunting task but ultimately you have to come to terms with the fact that only time can truly heal all the hurt and doubts that the breakup might have caused. The time it takes to heal is really a matter of how soon you are able to come to terms with the reality on the ground and to understand that a breakup is not the end of the world.

You should by all means stop any act of self-pitying over the breakup. Moreover, you should get hold of yourself and avoid trying to seclude yourself from the rest of the world. In your present condition, you need to have friends and family beside you as support and source of encouragement. Hiding away all by yourself is depressing and can only compound the weight of the anguish you are feeling.

There is also the temptation to use quick fixes in getting yourself out of this state of despair. Most of these quick fixes give you the illusion of having taken away the pains howbeit only for a while but actually end up causing more pain both to you and others around you.

One such quick fix is the use of alcohol. What most people don’t understand is that alcohol is actually a depressant and while it makes you forget your pains temporarily, it ends up intensifying the pain you are going through. And definitely you do not want to get involved in drunk dialing to your ex in this state of mind.

Also, during this time there is the temptation of finding someone to temporarily hook up with. This can be a very tricky move because while hoping that your ex will get jealous when they hear about it, you are equally unintentionally hurting someone else.

To help ease the pain and heal the wounds of the breakup, it is a good idea to find things that can help distract you for a while, things that will take your mind off all the negative feelings you might be feeling at the moment. The kind of distraction or hobby you choose to use in this case have a direct effect on how long it might take you to heal and how it affects your ex’s perception about your handling of the breakup.

Think of activities that have the most potential of keeping you engaged mentally and physically. Activities that involve a lot of other people will also give you ample opportunity to make new friends and acquaintances who can easily fill the void in your heart and take your mind away from the pain of the breakup.

You could use this time to acquire a new skill, take extra lessons on a new and interesting subject or even take a break from work and go on a vacation if you have the time and can afford it. Additionally you can try getting in shape by joining a local gym. The goal is to essentially use this period to make self improvements that will positively help you move forward in your personal and social life.

No matter how painful a breakup might be, one has to come to a point when he or she must decide to let it all go and move on with life. Breaking up with your ex does hurt and there is no easy way around it. However, to help you heal faster, you should get involved in positive and creative self-development activities to keep your mind occupied while you ease the pain and heal the wounds from the breakup.

 

We All Need Relationship Advice, Don’t We?

 

 

Are you encountering relationship problems or starting a new relationship? You’re not alone — and we ALL need relationship advice at some point in our lives, whether with a girlfriend, boyfriend, spouse or lover. Some of us are seeking to find out why there are married men or women cheating or for options for marriage therapy, including a good, trusting marriage therapist. And no matter the type of relationship, whether long distance, satisfying, co-dependent or abusive, some sound relationship advice is helpful. Maybe it’s preferable to even break up a relationship or learn how to manage a long-distance relationship.

Relationships protect us from loneliness and contribute to our health and well-being. But the secret is that relationships require work, which is ultimately why many men and women in relationships seek effective advice — or, in some cases, breakup advice.

Relationships problems aren’t just about power struggles, arguments and conflicts, but may include deeper problems such as depression, anxiety, alcohol abuse or some other problem. Jealousy or sexual issues also may be contributing factors leading you to seek advice on love.

You might consider seeing a counselor for professional advice or advice on love, as they might offer some perspective on abusive relationships or long distance relationships. A professional advice counselor can address all areas of a relationship, while other counselors deal with specific issues such as codependent relationships or abusive relationships.

If you are seeking free relationship advice, there are countless resources on love and tips available at the library and on the Internet. Thousands of books have been written on healthy relationships, long distance relationships and even abusive relationships. It’s possible to get love tips on getting back together with an ex-girlfriend, ex-boyfriend, ex-husband, ex-wife, etc.

Just be sure that the information is trustworthy, as there is a lot of bad relationship advice out there. Be sure to look for advice that is available in relationship forums or chat rooms on the Internet. You might even find ways to get other boys and/or girls to like you. Even if you’re just wondering just what is a relationship, there are plenty of avenues for advice on love that can help you.

Do self-help articles on relationships help as much as a therapist giving expert advice? Yes — because many times therapy clinics for couples entail ‘homework’ exercises that are carried out between meetings at which the couples try to get back with their significant other.

Sometimes self-help advice is the key to winning back the heart of an ex girlfriend or boyfriend. Finding your way without the help of a therapist is possible, as long as you are careful about the relationship advice you receive, whether it is from a friend or even an ex giving advice of love. You’ll learn how to get your ex back or get your spouse back or even save your marriage in no time if you find the proper relationship advice, without having to pay for expert advice on these issues.

 

Pointers for Successful Online Dating

 

Everyone is looking for a date to add some flavor to their lives. There are numerous ways of finding a suitable date. One of them is online dating. This method is becoming very popular among people of all ages and genders.
Below are some tips for successful online dating:

• Select a suitable site

There is a variety of sites available for online dating. However, selection of an unsuitable site could lead to frustration. It also implies wastage of time and effort. One way to select a dating site is by analyzing the nuances of various sites through a review site.

• Create a profile on the selected site

Profile creation involves providing details such as age, gender of the date being sought, education level, etc.

Creation of profile also entails uploading a profile picture. Since the profile picture is the first look the prospective dates get, due care should be taken to upload it. It is a good idea to upload a solo picture rather than a group photo. It is better to upload up-to-date photographs rather than old or baby photos.

• Description of self

While creating the profile, you should craft an interesting bio. However, you should not reveal too much about yourself. The bio should be such that it induces curiosity. It is better not to reveal personal details or explicit photographs.

• First message to your date

The first message to your date should be short and not a lengthy one. It is a good idea to personalize the message. You should show an interest in the person which not just physical. It is better to avoid a negative remark.

• When you meet for the first time

You should dress up to look impressive. Since you might have already communicated earlier, you will have an idea about the other person. Therefore, you can think of some ice-breaking chat. It is a good idea to meet in a public place rather than at someone’s home. It is better to go easy on drinks in the first meeting. It is beneficial not to bring up past relationships in the conversation.

When you meet through online dating, you already have an idea about each other’s looks, interests, etc. You may have selected someone based on common interests. Therefore, the probability of success is really high. It is therefore recommended to be honest while creating your profile and uploading latest pictures. This will ensure that the other person approves of the real you and you head to a gratifying relationship.

3 Reasons You Are Failing In Online Dating

 

 

Decades ago, online dating was flown upon. This is because many people viewed it as the last resort after the traditional methods of dating have failed. This is no longer the case. Due to penetration of technology and busy lifestyles, many people are now using the dating sites to find love.

While many people are finding their soul mates online, others are having a hard time. If you have been using these sites for a while and you haven’t gone out on a single date, here are some of the reasons why this is so:

You are using the wrong dating sites

While there are thousands of dating sites, no two sites are the same. Different sites have different types of people thus offer different experiences. Most people opt for the general dating sites as they feel that they have a large pool of people to date. While many people have success with these sites, others don’t.

If you have been using the general dating sites for a while and you aren’t seeing any results, you should consider going for the specialized websites. These are sites that have a specific type of people. For example, there are dating websites for the older members of the society. There are others designed for Christians.

While these specialized dating sites have few members, you have higher chances of getting your dream partner as you already have a few things in common.

Your dating profile sucks

You can be in the right dating site but there is no way you will attract interest if you have a poorly written dating profile. Other people have incomplete profiles which is catastrophic. Remember that your dating profile is synonymous to your academic resume. When it stinks, it repels people.

To attract people you need to professionally write your profile. You should state your name, your interests, and the type of person you are looking for. Remember to include a few photos. When writing, avoid being too boring. Remember that people are looking for dating partners as they want to lead exciting lives.

If you have a sense of humor, let it show in your profile. Avoid being negative. For example, saying how your last partner left you because of your flaws, that won’t take you anywhere. Be positive and you will attract people.

When it comes to photos, you should include as many solo photos as possible. Regardless of how social you are, avoid group photos. When you include plenty of group photos you give the impression that you can’t do anything on your own which is a bad attribute. The safest way of going about it is including no more than one group photo.

You wait too long before you start a conversation

It’s understandable that you are afraid of rejection and you don’t want to stress yourself over waiting for the other party to respond to your message. You need to understand that in the dating world rejection is inevitable.

To increase the chances of your online success you should reach out to the person that you like without worrying about the outcome. When sending the message, be polite and respectful. Who knows what the message will lead to?

 

5 Online Dating Tips That Men Shouldn’t Do Without

 

 

Know what you want

Before you create your online dating profile, sit down and think about what you are really out for. The kind of woman you would like to meet which includes her personality, hobbies, attitudes, her general disposition, qualifications etc. This will serve as a guide for you as you will be able to go after the woman of your dreams. Try to make this part of your profile but put it in a positive manner that won’t turn off your kinda girl. This will also make the woman see you as someone who is focused and she also will work towards being that kind of woman.

Take charge

Play the lead role. Don’t expect a lady to be too forward for your sake, they might feel cheap. Ladies will expect you to play your role by taking charge. Make her feel relaxed and safe. You can ask a girl you met online for her number after the 3rd or 4th message. It shouldn’t be on the first chat so she won’t feel as if you just want to take her for granted. You should also not delay too much before you ask for her number because she will get to see you as normal chat mate and she might lose interest after a while or even stop replying your chats. Also try to initiate the idea of you meeting at a public place in a broad day light so she will feel more secure.

Don’t take women for granted

The fact that it is a dating site doesn’t mean you should ask virtually all the ladies on the platform for a date. Don’t always be online as if you are jobless and don’t make it look like an interview where you are always submitting your CV. Try to show your sincerity.

Always write simple correct sentences

Short messages and statements full of errors will turn down any woman you approach. Always double-check your text for errors. Make every message a girl get from you worthwhile. Let her always look forward to reading your messages. A lady likes a confident man.

See online dating as the kick-off

The site is only a platform where you guys met. You have to meet the woman in person and know how things will work out for the best. Reality is the only place you can nurture what you want. You have to see in order to make the relationship grow.

Read success stories about online dating

Get tips from people who met their wives online, you can make use of their experience to make yours work.

6 Benefits of Online Dating

 

 

Online dating isn’t something that attracts everybody and sometimes we have heard some very scary things about the same. At the initial stages, it was perceived that anyone looking for a dating partner online was actually just desperate. Today, it isn’t such a taboo and with the technological rise, there is no end in sight. While some of us prefer to meet in real life, there are some thrills associated with online dating. Some of the benefits are:

• Finding a match is very fast

When you choose to use a dating site, you only need to create a profile and then literally browse singles in a matter of seconds. Usually, you will need to create a profile where you input things like email address, location, gender, name and the dating preferences that you have. It is important to take some time as you create your profile so as to ensure you get the desired effect.

• affordability

When you decide to meet people physically at a club or a bar, then you will need to pay an entry fee and even drinks. Sometimes you may end up spending money on food too. This may be a bit too high for you and you don’t have a guarantee whether the person you meet will be special or not. For dating sites, it is possible to enjoy free trial for some time. The membership you get exposes you to millions of potential singles. You can be able to pick a date that could develop into a relationship and later on marriage.

• Saving time

Going out at night as a single is demanding since you have to pick a spot, dress up and then drive or take a cab to the destination where you have to stick for some hours waiting for potential people that you can talk to. There are no guarantees. With online dating, you only need an internet connection and you can meet people sitting in your living room.

• You can be specific about what you want

When you meet someone in real life, it is exciting because they are a mystery that you unravel with time. However with time you may discover something about them that you don’t approve of. You may hate smoking and later discover the person you met actually smokes. With online sites, you can be very specific saying you don’t approve of smoking. You can make a whole list of desires that you are so as to find if anyone fits the criteria set.

• You establish common ground very fast

Getting into a conversation is one of the greatest setbacks that most people face when they are on a real date. Striking a conversation with a total stranger offline is one of the hardest things that you may have to deal with. As for online dating, things are much easier. You have already given out quite a bit of information so striking a conversation shouldn’t be too hard.

• Less stress

Online dating is still quite a young industry. However, it is gaining popularity because it takes away so much pressure from you. You can control as much or as little as you want.

 

Has Someone Moved On If They Are In A New Relationship?

 

When a relationship comes to an end, it can be a sign that it has run its course; consequently, each person can be happy to move on with their life. What this could show is that they had been having problems for quite some time.

It was then only a matter of time before their time together came to an end and they both went their separate ways. Now that it is over, it is likely to have a positive effect on their wellbeing.

A New Start

For one of them, this could be like a new beginning; a time when they will be able to do the things that they were unable to do before. This could mean that they were with someone who was controlling, but this might not be the case.

It could simply show that they had other priorities, and that this caused them to neglect certain needs. Either way, they will now have more time to focus on what they overlooked before.

Straight Back In

Alternatively, both of them could end up seeing someone else more or less straight away – or this might only apply to one of them. They are then not going to feel the need to take a break and to find themselves again, so to speak.

If both of them ended up with someone else, it might not bother either of them if they were to find out about what the other person is doing. They might be pleased that their ex has found someone else to be with.

Just One

Yet, if only one of them has found someone else, it could have a negative effect on the other. This might be hard to understand; especially as both of them were happy to move on with their life.

What this could show is that they formed an emotional connection with this person, and this is why they feel this way. Part of them can then be happy that it has ended; yet another part of them can be in pain.

Life Goes On

After finding out about this, one could spend a lot of time thinking about their ex, or they could soon let it go. One could say to themselves that as they are no longer with them, it doesn’t matter who they are with.

Through having this outlook, it is going to be a lot easier for them to focus on their own life. If, on the other hand, they get caught up in what their ex is or is not doing, it is going to stop them from being able to do this.

External Support

But if one was to find that they are unable to focus on their own life, it might be a good idea for them to reach out for the right assistance. This can show that the part of them that wants to move on is stronger than the part of them that doesn’t.

If they were to reach out, this could be a time when they will have to work through the pain that is within them. Through experiencing loss, they can be carrying a lot of grief within them, and this may need to be cried out.

Another Experience

When a relationship ends and each person is happy with this outcome, it could be said that this will be the ideal scenario. Both of them can experience pain – one person might even experience more pain than the other – but at least they will have wanted it to end.

Whereas, if one person wanted it to end but the other person didn’t, it is going to be a lot harder for one of them to move on. There is then not just going to be a small part of them that is in pain – a big part of them is going to be in a bad way.

It Doesn’t End There

It could end up getting even worse, though, and this is because on could find out that their ex has found someone else. This can cause them to think about if they actually meant anything to the other person.

And if one ended the relationship and their ex found someone else soon after, they can also wonder what is going on. Yet, if they ended the relationship and the other person didn’t want it to end, this is to be expected.

What’s going On?

On the surface, it can seem as though the other person has simply moved on with their life and that’s all there is to it. However, appearances are often deceiving, and this can mean that it might not be this black and white.

What it can show is that the other person wanted to feel better, which is why they are with someone else. This could mean that their relationship will soon come to an end or, it might last for a little while.

A Few Reasons

In the same way that there are number of reasons as to why someone would eat food, there are also a number of reasons as to why they would have a relationship. One can eat food to avoid how they feel and they can have a relationship to do achieve the same outcome.

At the same time, they can eat food to supply their body with what it needs to function and they can have a relationship that will allow them to grow and develop. This can then be seen as what happens when one acts in a conscious manner and what happens when they act in an unconscious manner.

Awareness

Also, one may even start a new relationship just to get back at their ex; the person they are with is then going to be used. One is then going to be in a lot of pain and they can cause someone else to suffer through not taking responsibility for how they feel.

If one is in pain, and they want to do something about this, it might be a good idea for them to work with a therapist or a healer.

Prolific writer, author, and coach, Oliver JR Cooper, hails from England. His insightful commentary and analysis covers all aspects of human transformation, including love, partnership, self-love, and inner awareness. With over one thousand four hundred in-depth articles highlighting human psychology and behaviour, Oliver offers hope along with his sound advice. His current projects include ‘A Dialogue With The Heart’ and ‘Communication Made Easy’.

 

Can You Picture This?

 

I went to the memorial service recently for a wonderful friend who was a fine gentleman and who had a ton of friends. Great guy. At the start of the service [I was honored to give the invocation] the family showed a slide show, pictures running all the way back to his childhood through the last years of his life.

Everyone clapped when it was over. There were tears and smiles everywhere. His daughter had put the slides together with music to match the events in his life and everyone was happy. It gave the service an easy, loving cadence.

On the way home, I told my wife that we need to go through the entire closet full of boxes full of pictures that we have amassed and pick out the photos we would want people to see when it is “our turn.”

She pointed out that what I would want people to see and what people would want to see were probably two very different things.

We were going to sort through them anyway when we retired and it has been a while now and the closet is still full. She said that it would be an impossible job and we should probably let our children cope with the mess after we are gone. She told me to act like the closet wasn’t there. Easy for her to say. It’s like when she said, “Ned, don’t think about that large pimple on your nose.”

A couple of the kids did try to clean up the wall of boxes as special gifts to us over the past few years. We just ended up with about 20 albums sitting on a high shelf in my study. They gave up. Who wouldn’t? The mound of boxes didn’t seem to get smaller, anyway.

Our kids don’t use actual photos anymore, but use digital cameras and have websites full of pictures and videos of just about everything they and their kids do. They have them on things called iPods and on their cell phones. How do they know they will stay there?

We tried to give the boxes of photos to them as cherished things to ‘keep in the family.’ They don’t want them. What has happened to our children?

The kids wanted them when they dug through the piles when they were getting married and pulled out the ones they wanted to use so they would look good and cute. I don’t know why I can’t. It isn’t fair. Someday I am just going to do that, all on my own. I still have some really cute pictures of me as a kid.

I am thinking about writing an after-he-has-done-gone-and-left-us directive. It will make them do a slide show of the pictures I want and I think I will pick out the music. I liked that Jimmy Durante song, “As Time Goes by” in the movie, Sleepless in Seattle. “Inky Dinky Doo” would be good, too.

When I was younger, I was more of a Kenny Rogers kind of guy. I still can do a good Kenny. Back then, I knew when to hold em, I knew when to fold them and I knew when to walk away. At least I did then. Now, I’m not so sure.

Don’t tell my wife or kids, but I’ve been thinking about doing some songs myself and putting them on a CD to use at my own memorial service.

Nobody will let me sing while I’m still alive. If I write it into my directive, I think they have to do it after I’m gone, don’t they? I could do a great “Make Someone Happy” just like Jimmy D.

The thing is, I love to sing, but nobody will let me. They won’t even let me sing in church. They even asked me to stop clapping in time with the music. Said it threw everyone else off. And I was a pastor!

Even my littlest grandkids cry, “Poppa, please stop singing, please. You are hurting our ears.”

This surly attitude about my gift of singing really began when I was a freshman in high school and tried out for the choir. There were about a hundred of us on the stage and as the choir director led us in some singing, he kept cutting the group in half over and over again until there were just a few of us left. I thought, “Wow! I am probably going to be a lead singer.”

After my little group sang for a few seconds, he called me to take a few steps forward. I did so with a broad, knowing grin. He pointed at me with a shaking finger. “You, please leave and don’t ever come back. You have thrown off the entire choir. Go. Don’t ever sing again.”

Maybe they will be sorry when they hear my deep mellow voice bringing life to my own slide show. I have some great shots of me fishing.

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